The Best Ice-Breaker With an Anxious New Student

Disclaimer - you can only make this work with YOUR interpretation

“Humor is [hu]mankind’s greatest blessing” - Mark Twain, author and humourist

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people” - Victor Borge, musician and comedian.

“Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival” - Aung San Suu Kyi, politician, diplomat, author and pro-democracy activist.

A nervous start

Increasingly, children are finding it hard to come into school. I expect any teacher reading this has faced reluctance in one form or another. It could be someone who you’ve known for years or a newbie on their first day.

As you may know, I had one such new starter last week.

This individual (let’s call them Plato, because why not) hadn’t set foot in a school since July. They’ve had a difficult time of it in previous educational settings. This is part of the reason they’ve joined my merry band of monsters and, I was aware, my first hurdle in providing them with the educaiton they deserve.

Let me tell you… settling in wasn’t easy.

Plato came to view the school a week earlier and couldn’t even look me in the eye for nerves. Nothing about the school appealed to their curiosity or excitement. We could see in an instant that we had a challenge on our hands just getting them into the school - never mind a classroom jam-packed with strangers, expectations and noise.

Day 1 - reluctance, tears and anxiety.

It didn’t help that I was having a bit of an organisational meltdown. Poor Plato was surrounded by noise and chaos upon arriving to a setting that, we knew, gave them the heebie-jeebies. The build-up must have been excruciating and now, on this most manic of Monday mornings, it all became too much.

After ten minutes of cajoling and coaxing, I finally convinced them into the classroom with the promise of time to adjust and a beanbag. But, even then, I was getting nowhere with encouraging a hyperventilating Plato to get involved. I had no idea how to bring them into the fold with their new peers - none whatsoever.

What I really needed was my favourite colleague in the whole, wide world.

Another gold star for you!

Regular readers may have read about my “gold star” teaching assistant (TA).

While not my TA by any stretch (certainly not these days), she’s the colleague I’ve worked most closely with for more than two years now. Almost all of which she has spent attached to a child in the classroom I’m teaching in. Our classroom.

I can’t imagine life without her.

Whatever the weather, however the hardships, she brightens every damn space with colourful outfits and heartiest of hellos. She literally sings her way into the room. Who wouldn’t want that on a daily basis?

And, at the heart of everything she does well, are two outstanding qualities:

• Remarkable resilience in the face of adversity (meaning nothing is too much of a challenge for her);

• An extraordinary sliver lining of humour that fits snuggly around even the darkest clouds.

So, when young Plato was in utter despair having been parted from mum and dad for the first time in months, who saved the day?

Me, cluelessly dangling books and beanbags and buddies…

Or Ms Goldstar and her miraculous reach for the bright side of life? Ms Goldstar and a reassuring hand of generosity? Ms Goldstar, opening proceedings with a joke and a giggle?

Only one winner there.

What a difference a day makes

With the advice and support of our similarly outstanding SENCO, Plato was scheduled to spend the morning with us before heading home for lunch. They’d spend the morning in the classroom but with some support from Ms Goldstar and me wherever we were available. Something I did get right was I noticed their dad say, “You can’t spend all day on your Xbox anymore, you’ve got to come to school.”

So I partnered Plato up with a wonderful young person (let’s call them Aristotle) who, likewise, was quite the gamer for breaktimes.

But there’s no way we would have been able to do that had Ms Goldstar not stepped in and brighten Plato’s day. No way we would have been able to introduce them to more new faces. Now way

In the end, Plato went home for lunch as happy as can be.

The next morning?

First into the classroom was… well, this particular child who absolutely belts it across the playground to get in the door before anyone else, just because. BUT second came someone who entered the room without an ounce of fuss. Someone who looked like they’d be coming into school all year.

Why, it was Plato, of course.

Day 2 - straight to their desk, ready to learn.

The key that opens the door to any relationship

Plato has been with us for two weeks now. We’re getting to know their academic level and, more importantly, getting to know them as the little person who possesses so many special qualities. Someone we couldn’t imagine the classroom without.

Their favourite part of the day - playtime? PE? Computing? Get this…

Their early highlight isn’t something I would’ve expected at all - maths. A subject they said they ‘couldn’t do’ on their first day. A subject that presents them with a significant, inaccessible challenge when not right.

But - crucially - a subject they learn with Ms Goldstar.

How do we know she’s the one who’s made all the difference? Every lesson starts with a hug - not at Ms Goldstar’s insistance, but at Plato’s. Tell me that little ice-pick of humour, chinking away at the Plato’s icy exterior of anxiety, didn’t break through in an instant.

Warm humour saves the day.

How you can help the anxious overcome their challenges

I’m afraid to say this is going to require a lot of input from you. It’s up to you to find your own sense of humour and project it in an authentic, welcoming way because I don’t know what makes you tick. It’s up to you to work out how to break a child’s barriers because each of them is different.

But, if you can wind as much humour as possible into the situation, you stand a very good chance of transforming someone’s day, week or even entire educational experience.

Possible pitfalls

There’s only one way that I think you can get this completely wrong and it actually pertains to a conversation I’ve had with a student today. They tried breaking the ice with someone they’re not particularly friendly with in an attempt to overcome their differences. Unfortunately, they got the humour all wrong.

They made a joke at the expense of the receiver.

A bit of banter is all well and good. Friends can be downright bastards to one another in search of a giggle. But, when someone is already experiencing uncomfortable emotions, poking fun at them - or, I think anyone or anything - simply doesn’t help, instead potentially compounding the emotions.

Whatever you use to make them laugh, make sure it’s a positive, wholesome joke.

More relationship building tips

Would you like to know more about how I build relationships in the classroom?

While I felt a little out of my depth on this occasion (I blame the organisational overwhelm), building authentic, valuable relationships with my students is my biggest strength.

If you want any more tales of my relationship-building success (often inspired by the expert colleagues around me), take a look below:

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I am going to continue talking about relationship building for a while.

Stay tuned.