I really appreciated this article, Jack! And I'm totally with you on the idea that respect isn't something that needs to be earned. It makes me wonder if some people perhaps confuse respect with admiration?
That’s a great way to look at it Leah because admiration is something you have to earn. Do you think people need to do amazing things for admiration or would you say small achievements and gestures enough? I’m torn 😂
I think that small achievements and gestures are more than enough for admiration – I feel like they often get overlooked by the amazing and huge endeavours people do though. I truly think that admiration is in the eye of the beholder!
Totally agree. I like Gandalf’s line in the Hobbit - the ordinary deeds of everyday folk are what keep the darkness at bay. They do that and a lot more imo
Loved this post, Jack and how you backed up your statement with this story!
I don’t agree with this often used statement ‘that’s just how he is’. I mean - no - that doesn’t justify behaviour that is wrong. Same goes with respect your elders I guess?
I totally agree - I hear some other educators describe their students in such black-and-white terms and it actually hurts to hear it. It doesn’t just temper their potential but, like you say, it excuses behaviour that we can often do something to change.
I have a lot of teacher friends and they say the same thing: how the children are described, sometimes even said out loud to the children themselves… language is very powerful and it can be extremely damaging for your self belief, definitely at a young age
I read somewhere that what children hear us say becomes their internal monologue and, especially if you’re someone they value, I think that’s such a powerful way to look at it
This is a great post and piece of wisdom. Respect is certainly something that can be lost - and like trust when lost, it takes a great deal to mend and gain back. I’m sorry your colleague Phil had to go through that - but I’m glad he had you in his corner!
Great post again, Jack. I too have always found the phrase 'respect your elders' difficult. My wife is half Nigerian, and it is interesting how prevalent this is in their culture. Growing up, I never felt a need to respect people simply because of the age. Something I do need to think about though is the idea of respect being 'assumed'. I think this is a really important point and something I am NOT always good at. I am sometimes waiting for someone to earn my respect rather than just giving it to them, and as you say, it is FREE but theirs to lose.
Really value this insight, thank you Simon. I find it so interesting how attitudes can be shaped by places and culture. I can’t claim to always be good assuming at assuming a respectful stance myself either but this newsletter keeps me honest and on my toes, so I’ll build on what I already do.
Great job managing that work situation, btw. Sounds like you demonstrated natural leadership capabilities.
Also praise in public, chastise in private. Unless your goal is to rule with fear. In which case everyone will hate you and performance will decline out of spite.
A quick story and then I'll stop hogging your thread. I played football in highschool. American. Hated it. I played soccer for 7 years and then switched to football freshman year of highschool. I knew nothing. I was terrible. So of course I hated it. The coaches yelled a lot. They were always pissed (angry; not drunk). But, one evening, practicing in our little stadium under the lights so we could get a feel for what game conditions would be like, we were running sprints and the coaches started messing around. Each time they called a play and then yelled Hut! for us all to take off running, they used a funny color.
Instead of Red 80, red 80, hut!, it was Puce 32! Puce 32, hut!
And we laughed and the mood was lifted and we all felt more comfortable and more like a team. It was the best practice we ever had.
I guess the point is that morale is everything. And it starts at the top. Giving respect to the people below you and not putting any parental curses on them based on your own assumptions.
I agree that respect ought to be given as a default to everyone. Until they demonstrate that they aren't worthy of your time or energy. Reciprocity is important. Yet there's a shocking lack of it. Are you supposed to text or email a happy birthday to someone who missed yours? Should you strive to maintain a relationship with someone who always takes a week or two to get back to you???
As for kids, they absolutely take on the persona parents construct for them. I've seen it.
Finally, respect our elders I've also thought to mean respect them for their experience and knowledge and listen when they speak because they've probably already been through whatever tragedy du jour has everyone in such a panic.
And don't throw them away to die alone in a home. Elder care is heartbreaking.
Great post! I like the distinction between respecting elders and respecting people in general. It’s true! Regardless of age, there is an inherent value in a person. For that, they deserve respect.
I really appreciated this article, Jack! And I'm totally with you on the idea that respect isn't something that needs to be earned. It makes me wonder if some people perhaps confuse respect with admiration?
That’s a great way to look at it Leah because admiration is something you have to earn. Do you think people need to do amazing things for admiration or would you say small achievements and gestures enough? I’m torn 😂
I think that small achievements and gestures are more than enough for admiration – I feel like they often get overlooked by the amazing and huge endeavours people do though. I truly think that admiration is in the eye of the beholder!
Totally agree. I like Gandalf’s line in the Hobbit - the ordinary deeds of everyday folk are what keep the darkness at bay. They do that and a lot more imo
Loved this post, Jack and how you backed up your statement with this story!
I don’t agree with this often used statement ‘that’s just how he is’. I mean - no - that doesn’t justify behaviour that is wrong. Same goes with respect your elders I guess?
I totally agree - I hear some other educators describe their students in such black-and-white terms and it actually hurts to hear it. It doesn’t just temper their potential but, like you say, it excuses behaviour that we can often do something to change.
I have a lot of teacher friends and they say the same thing: how the children are described, sometimes even said out loud to the children themselves… language is very powerful and it can be extremely damaging for your self belief, definitely at a young age
I read somewhere that what children hear us say becomes their internal monologue and, especially if you’re someone they value, I think that’s such a powerful way to look at it
This is a great post and piece of wisdom. Respect is certainly something that can be lost - and like trust when lost, it takes a great deal to mend and gain back. I’m sorry your colleague Phil had to go through that - but I’m glad he had you in his corner!
Thank you - glad you liked it!
Here for this!
Respect your elders, that is something I heard constantly even when the elder was behaving badly. Thanks for sharing Jack.
Since I became an adult, I’d say I’ve only heard it when someone isn’t behaving well!
Great post again, Jack. I too have always found the phrase 'respect your elders' difficult. My wife is half Nigerian, and it is interesting how prevalent this is in their culture. Growing up, I never felt a need to respect people simply because of the age. Something I do need to think about though is the idea of respect being 'assumed'. I think this is a really important point and something I am NOT always good at. I am sometimes waiting for someone to earn my respect rather than just giving it to them, and as you say, it is FREE but theirs to lose.
Really value this insight, thank you Simon. I find it so interesting how attitudes can be shaped by places and culture. I can’t claim to always be good assuming at assuming a respectful stance myself either but this newsletter keeps me honest and on my toes, so I’ll build on what I already do.
Great job managing that work situation, btw. Sounds like you demonstrated natural leadership capabilities.
Also praise in public, chastise in private. Unless your goal is to rule with fear. In which case everyone will hate you and performance will decline out of spite.
A quick story and then I'll stop hogging your thread. I played football in highschool. American. Hated it. I played soccer for 7 years and then switched to football freshman year of highschool. I knew nothing. I was terrible. So of course I hated it. The coaches yelled a lot. They were always pissed (angry; not drunk). But, one evening, practicing in our little stadium under the lights so we could get a feel for what game conditions would be like, we were running sprints and the coaches started messing around. Each time they called a play and then yelled Hut! for us all to take off running, they used a funny color.
Instead of Red 80, red 80, hut!, it was Puce 32! Puce 32, hut!
And we laughed and the mood was lifted and we all felt more comfortable and more like a team. It was the best practice we ever had.
I guess the point is that morale is everything. And it starts at the top. Giving respect to the people below you and not putting any parental curses on them based on your own assumptions.
I agree that respect ought to be given as a default to everyone. Until they demonstrate that they aren't worthy of your time or energy. Reciprocity is important. Yet there's a shocking lack of it. Are you supposed to text or email a happy birthday to someone who missed yours? Should you strive to maintain a relationship with someone who always takes a week or two to get back to you???
As for kids, they absolutely take on the persona parents construct for them. I've seen it.
Finally, respect our elders I've also thought to mean respect them for their experience and knowledge and listen when they speak because they've probably already been through whatever tragedy du jour has everyone in such a panic.
And don't throw them away to die alone in a home. Elder care is heartbreaking.
Great post! I like the distinction between respecting elders and respecting people in general. It’s true! Regardless of age, there is an inherent value in a person. For that, they deserve respect.