Ever felt taken for granted?

This phrase saves me - and might save you

Welcome to ‘Diary of a Teacher’. Here, you’ll learn what it’s really like being a teacher - but through a very delibrate lens of positivity. I approach this newsletter through my 3Gs - growth, giggles and gratitude - to rip up the online negativity around teaching and show the world how fortunate we are to be educators.

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Ever felt taken for granted?

“If people fail to return your best efforts…”

I know people on here will disagree with me on this. Not necessarily everyone, but I expect plenty will…

I actually dislike the phrase ‘respect your elders’.

“But what did they ever do to you?”

I should make a few things clear:

• I don’t dislike older people on the whole

• I don’t dislike anyone based on their age

• And I don’t make a point of actively disrespecting anyone.

But the phrase ‘respect your elders’ doesn’t sit right with me. Why? I’ll explain in a moment.

You might have thought this before and agree with me. However, a word of caution - I’ve heard people challenge the ‘respect your elders’ notion and I also hear these people say that respect should be earned. That, too, isn’t something I agree with. Why?

I do typically respect elders because a vast, vast majority of elderly people deserve respect. But I find that the vast, vast majority of people deserve respect.

Where I disagree with the statement is the presumption that people deserve something like respect based on a demographic. That, to me, is nonsense.

Showing someone respect is free. It doesn’t cost you anything and it makes them feel better. Easy as that. You’ll almost always receive it back and, with respectful attitudes, every social dynamic is improved.

So, respect should be assumed. Whoever you are, before you know anything about someone, offering them respect should be a guarantee.

Respect shouldn’t be earned. Whoever you are, it should be assumed. Respect does t have to be earned.

But respect can be lost.

And I have worked with some people who I felt had surrendered their right to respect.

A short story

I’m an emotional person and, when I feel something is unjust, I stand up and say something.

And, usually, it gets shot down by a colleague of superior rank.

If you’re in a position of leadership, here’s a tip - people will only do for you what they know you’d do for them.

I once worked in a bar/restaurant in Wellington, New Zealand, alongside a Russian chap called Phil. One of the quirkiest guys I’ve met. I loved him but the close-minded, cliquey colleagues around us didn’t appreciate him being different.

Most of the time, he took it in the chin.

But one night, when the dishy didn’t show up, he - despite having the requisite qualifications to be a manager and being excellent at his job - was demoted to cleaning pots on a busy Saturday night.

And he wasn’t politely asked if he would be willing to do it. He was unceremoniously cut down from his usual post in front of everyone and, in a pretty humiliating way, dumped ‘out of the way’ to clean dishes for the night.

This upset him greatly.

I was the duty manager on the night. Someone else who’d worked there longer also had the qualifications to be duty manager but - and I mean this - I think I was chosen to take responsibility because I was older and male.

So, once I took charge for the night, I made a decision.

I moved Phil back to the bar and enlisted my qualified female colleague as duty manager.

And, to plug the gaps, I moved to the back to clean the dishes for a good 8 hours.

From then on, Phil’s respect for management elsewhere waned but his respect for me shot through the roof. He became my go-to-guy - we already liked working together but I knew from then on I could ask anything of him and he’d deliver.

Because he knew I would.

Respect you elders? Pah. Older people than us lost a lot of respect that night.

Respect should be earned? No - they had had our respect, simply because that’s the way people should be treated.

But can it be lost? Oh yes.

This episode rankled me immensely because of the unjust way Phil - and, later, others as well as I - were treated by the management. Their treatment was pretty shocking and it cut me deep.

Until my wise partner, Aimée, coined a phrase I still use today:

“If people fail to return your best efforts, it reflects poorly on them - not you.”

Saying that to myself rescues me from sinking into self-doubt every time something affects me. Every single time.

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If you liked this and have enjoyed my other newsletters, a recommendation is a brilliant way to share it with others. I’m very grateful for everyone who recommends me - thank you all.