How to Start Every Parent Conversation - and Why
Teachers everywhere, HEED MY WORDS
One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say - author Bryant McGill, described as a ‘human thought leader’ online.
Teaching is so much easier with parents on board…
As a teacher, have you ever struggled with having “that” conversation with a student’s parent?
You’re a teacher. Of course you have.
How do you go about it? How do you bring up the topic you need to discuss? What words should you use? Will they be upset? How will they react? Who can you turn to for help?
I know the feeling - every parent wants to know their child is having a gold-standard, Disney-approved, Michelin star time at school and receiving the best care and attention and they look to YOU to provide that. But, naturally, something doesn’t go their way at some point and you have to step in. Worse still, said child has played their part in the discord or uttered unwise words that need addressing.
It’s not easy and there are countless ways to handle a conversation with a parent, depending on the situation. But there’s only one way to start it.
Magic Words
The situation: I have a student struggling with friendships and last week some of these problems boiled over. They’re also not thriving with their current learning partner, which has lowered their confidence. As a result, some unkind words have been both received and delivered.
Unsure how to approach this, I reached out to one of my colleagues, who also happens to be the assistant head at the school I work at. Her calmness and expertise instantly made me feel more confident, and she armed me with the tools I needed.
Following her advice made the conversation go smoothly. Here’s what I did—and what you can do if you find yourself having to speak to a student’s parent.
Call the parent. Sometimes, our beloved ClassDojo (other messaging services are available) doesn’t cut it. When serious matters arise between students, messages often don’t convey the tone and context needed to diffuse the situation and provide reassurance.
Start by asking the parent how their child is doing at home, how they feel about school, and if they have anything to share. Listen well and give them time to express their thoughts. I started this way and it was a good four minutes before I spoke again. What does that tell you? The parent needed to get something off their chest and a willing ear to listen to it. This gave them a chance to open up, de-stress and share what was on their mind.
Handling the conversation this way transformed a potentially sensitive issue into a constructive dialogue. It fostered a relationship of mutual respect, cooperation, and understanding between the parent and me, leading to a series of next steps that addressed both the student’s and the parent’s concerns. I wouldn’t have known how to take these steps without listening to the parent as I did.
One last thing…
The trick here is to relay incidents accurately and leave the parent feeling confident that you can support their child. But remember - you’re human, and you won’t get everything right. Especially early in your career, some conversations won’t go as planned, even with very cooperative, understanding parents and well-behaved students.
It happens - it’s unfortunate but it’s not the end of the world. Keep moving forward with confidence, knowing each conversation strengthens your connection with the student and their family. Whatever you do, DO NOT let moments such as this deter you from facing the next sensitive conversation head-on.
If in doubt, reach out to colleagues who have been there, seen it, and got the t-shirt. Or feel free to send me a message - that’s what this newsletter is here for.
How do you handle parent calls? What works best for you? Be sure to plonk it in the comments and subscribers can benefit from your wisdom as well.
With the ice broken…
has a great piece that will help you master the rest of the conversation and build a habit of forging strong teacher-parent relationships. Find it by clicking below:Bonus tip: Let me finish by saying - I typically refer to parents as ‘adults’ knowing that children aren’t always raised by their parents. A good habit of inclusivity to get into.
Your turn
Unlike before, I’m not writing this newsletter for myself - I’m now writing it more for you. I want to chronicle the expertise I’m blessedly surrounded by and share what I learn with YOU to help YOU become the best teacher you can be.
If there’s something in teaching that you find most challenging, let me know in the comments by clicking below. I’ll keep an eye out for it in my own workplace and share what I learn.
You lucky thing, you.
I am the Millennial stereotype of the teacher who hates calling. At least parents. I much prefer in person meetings.
I absolutely agree with the importance of phoning home, as nerve-wracking as it may be in a difficult situation. Also the importance of asking for advice from colleagues and requesting to have another member of staff with you for difficult meetings. Such a useful, and often over-looked, area of responsibility to write about Jack, a really helpful read.