Weekend Wisdom - Every Cloud
Not a happy one, nor something I’m proud of… but I can take something from it nonetheless.
Get ready for an all-time classic, ‘every cloud’ story. I’d like this to serve as a perfect example of how, even in the worst of times, there’s always something positive to take - some lesson worth learning.
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I’m actually a little nervous about posting this because it’s not a moment I’m proud of and one I would change if I could go back in time. However, I did what I did in the moment for a reason.
Next week, I’ll officially reach the two-and-half-year mark in my job, which makes it the longest I’ve been in one position all my life.
It’s very exciting. I might even flood the staff room with doughnuts to celebrate.
This landmark - which many of you will consider child’s play - is momentous for me because, prior to teaching, I moved around a number of places and companies to broaden my experiences and increase my exposure to as much of life as I could.
I even spent 7 years behind bars, across a total of 6 pubs.
(Had you for a second there, didn’t I?)
And, in fact, my first serious job was in the local public house - a place The Beckett Arms in Corringham, Lincolnshire. This village where I also grew up for part of my childhood so the place is full of memories.
This is one of the jobs I reflect on warmly. I learnt what it meant to be part of the adult world there: to commit to a vocation, to develop loads of transferable skills there - work ethic, teamwork, long hours, customer service skills and what a crisp, cold one can do for the spirit of others after a day’s work.
Another job I held was in Wellington, New Zealand.
I don’t hold that one so dearly.
Now, it’s worth saying that I did come away from there with a couple of friends who, years later, I’m still in touch with.
And I was also entrusted with proper management there, my biggest exposure to a leadership role at the time.
But I worked with a couple of individuals who just didn’t like me and set out to make my life as difficult as they could. It really became personal.
One in particular had a problem with me being named duty manager over them.
We started at a similar time and had a similar level of experience. However, they - nothing wrong with this - were more about the fun side of life whereas I took the job a little more seriously.
I’m not saying I’m any better - it definitely made me more boring, both to colleagues and customers, I get that. But I made a concerted effort to be solid, consistent and dependable and I think that’s why I was “promoted” (an extra dollar an hour made it not really feel like a promotion).
Their grievance really annoyed me because I actually helped them get the job there after sharing a shift elsewhere with them. As in, they wouldn’t have the job if it wasn’t for me.
However, after I became duty manager, they were fully out to get me. I felt it for months and, in the end, they were moved away from the evening shifts that I usually led to the day team.
And they took this opportunity to turn the rest of the team against me so that, on the odd occasion where I did a day shift, I was surrounded by cold silence and total indifference.
Look, I didn’t make everything easy for myself - I don’t deal well when I think something is unfair and stood up for myself and my team when one other manager verbally abused us (on the bar and in front of customers). Yes, I could’ve just rolled over and taken it but I didn’t have it in me.
This is where things escalated and, I’m afraid to say, I did do something very wrong. They got themselves into trouble and I left them to clean up their own mess when I might have done more about it.
One night, I was dragged to a house party that I didn’t want to go to just so they had some company. It was in a quiet residential area - a nice part of town - but in a dingy student pad.
For hours, I watched my difficult colleague drink and smoke themselves into a total state.
That was a horrible evening.
So unpleasant was it - and the preceding months - that, when they slumped on the steps outside the house, I felt no guilt leaving them to fend for themselves and sneaking off home. They’d been awful to me that night and I’d had enough. I deserved better. As far as I was concerned, they was their own, or someone else’s, problem. I didn’t wish any harm on them but I wasn’t in a great place myself and had my own hide to look after.
That, I regret wholeheartedly. That was hugely out of character, just leaving them to it.
Things weren’t serious enough for me to call an ambulance, nowhere near, but I didn’t have the strength to get them to their feet once they hit rock bottom. I tried to wake up someone in the house but they’d gone to bed.
My only option was to either stay with them until they could stand again (it was 4am and I had no idea when that would be, plus I was due to work in 8 hours) or think ‘they’ve got themselves into this state’ and leave them to it.
A better man would have suffered for someone who wholly didn’t deserve it and stayed there by their side for the night.
I’m not that better man.
Not when I’ve suffered for months at the hands of such a toxic personality.
Needless to say they were fine. In retrospect, they blamed me for everything that went wrong that night which just isn’t fair.
I’d happily share responsibility for it but only share.
Honestly, what an awful human being they turned out to be. Such is their hate for me that they’ve actively tried to stop mutual friends having any contact with me.
Zero accountability for any fault, upset people everywhere they went, maintained no solid friendships, constantly undermined authority at work, toxic influence, manipulative, turned a whole team of staff against me.
I’ve never worked with someone so dreadful.
And yet…
This also comes around the time my hair started to thin.
After mentioning it to them when we were getting along, they introduced me to volume powder.
I still use it today and it gives me more confidence in the way I look.
So, every cloud.