How to rebuild trust with a student

Teachers don't often get a second chance at a first impression, but I'm about to...

Welcome to How to be a Teacher. Every week, I share the expertise of my colleagues and reveal what I’ve learned recently from their 70+ years of experience.

Previously, I wrote about what had been a really difficult week. This time, I’m about as excited to go into work on Monday as I’ve ever been.

Read on to find out why.

---

Image generated by my on DeepAI

This article was originally posted on 23rd Feb 2025.

I recently spoke on The Trainee to ECT Podcast by the Twinkl Trainee Teachers Team – an experience I was thrilled to have. On the podcast, I discussed a key part of teaching: relationship-building. It’s something I’m passionate about because my biggest strength as a teacher lies in the relationships I create with my students. And this is a topic I’m eager to share, whether you’re a new teacher or know someone who is.

You can find a link to the podcast episode at the bottom of this article.

For now, though, the art of relationship-building remains highly relevant – especially since I’m welcoming a new student into my classroom next week. They’ll be my fourth new student of the year, but this one is a little different.

Why? Because I’ve met them before – and I’ve got some work to do.

Things did not go well the last time.

Where It Began

At the end of last academic year, students spent a couple of transition days learning with their new teacher. This meant my current students had their first exposure to me and my classroom, preparing them for the year ahead.

This was also when I had one of my worst teaching moments.

Transition Day One.

While teaching, I had a student who I’ll call Gandalf (for their iconic comeback).

During one lesson, Gandalf spoke out of turn. It happens. I politely reminded them to wait their turn if they had something to say and explained the correct procedure for getting my attention.

Gandalf’s response? An eye roll, mumbling under their breath, and general sass.

I called them out on it. Not harshly, but I did. The whole class saw me tell them they were out of line.

Gandalf’s response this time? Full-on answering back – denying they’d done anything of the sort.

And so we went back and forth, more times than I can now count.

What started as a polite reminder quickly escalated into childish bickering. I try to run a relatively tight ship and don’t tolerate that level of attitude, but that is not how I usually handle things, and it’s certainly not how anyone should.

Maybe I’d had it too easy with the previous class and forgotten how to handle this behavior after a year of not seeing it. Perhaps I was more nervous about leading my new class than I realised.

Whatever the reason, I handled it all wrong. The end result? Gandalf collapsed into tears and effectively lost the rest of the day’s learning.

But that wasn’t the worst part.

Gandalf wasn’t an entitled student who thought they could do whatever they wanted. They didn’t come from a privileged background, and they didn’t expect special treatment.

Gandalf didn’t have it easy at home. They came to school not just to learn, but because it was a sanctuary – a place where they could find a steady, reliable figure of authority. I, as their teacher, was supposed to be someone they could trust.

And in that moment, I shattered that trust.

I felt absolutely wretched. The rest of the day, my mind was a mess as I fought to hold myself together. I succeeded, but the day ended with me sitting with two of my colleagues, having an emotional release – shoulder-shaking sobs.

I had failed Gandalf in that moment. They came to school to feel safe, and I had made them feel scared and untrustworthy of me.

What Did I Do?

I don’t mind claiming that I pulled things back before the end of the year, but it wasn’t easy.

The following day, I sensed a thick air of unease surrounding Gandalf as they walked into the classroom. I sat with them for a moment, apologised for how the previous day went, and promised them that, in my eyes, we would start again like nothing happened.

I also reassured Gandalf that, if they still felt uncomfortable or had negative feelings about me, I totally understood. It would be completely normal for them not to be excited to see me.

I promised Gandalf that, rather than expect them to pretend nothing had happened, I would work hard to win them over again. I don’t expect my students to like me right away – I want to deserve their respect, and I’m willing to make the effort to earn it.

Things softened a little by the end of the day. We spent some time sitting together to work on their writing, and that helped.

Once the transition days were over, though, I had less opportunity to keep building our relationship before the year ended.

So, to continue strengthening our bond, I made the effort to sit with Gandalf and their friends a couple of times during lunch, just to chat. Gandalf often wore an England football cap, so that became my easy way in. I always greeted them with a bubbly, warm hello and a slightly manic wave when I saw them around school, too. Anything I could do to build that trust up again.

Before the year was over, I was greeted with smiles from Gandalf in the corridor. I felt I had pulled it back.

For reasons beyond our control, Gandalf started the new academic year at another school. But now, once again, they are coming back. The grey will turn white. Gandalf returns to The Fellowship Pankhurst Class.

The Comeback

I mucked up my first opportunity to build a relationship with Gandalf. But wait until you see what I’ve got in store for their return.

One of the activities we do during transition days is a half-portrait. Each student is given a black-and-white photograph of themselves. They cut half of it off and throw it away, then stick the remaining half on a piece of card and draw in the missing half.

Here’s mine for reference.

Gandalf was part of the transition days when we did this activity, so they completed a portrait.

All the portraits went on a classroom display. Then Gandalf left. Most would’ve thrown away Gandalf’s work, knowing they’d likely not see them again.

But I kept the portrait.

People have often asked, “Why do you still have that portrait? Gandalf’s left your class?”

And I always said the same thing in response: “They’re part of our team and always will be, whether they’re here or not.” Their friends are part of my class and always appreciated the fact that I kept Gandalf on the wall.

And now Gandalf is coming back. And I can’t wait to show them what we think of them – that they’ve always been part of us. That this is the safe haven, the sense of belonging, they crave.

You don’t often get a second chance at a first impression so I’m taking mine with both hands.

---

---

As promised, here is the link to the podcast episode I featured on recently. It was a real pleasure to speak to Simeon about relationship building in teaching and share my tips for new teachers on ways they can build positive relationships in their classrooms:

---